If you dated Charlie Brown, he’d probably be much less miserable.
Whenever someone pulled the football away or if he lost his kite in a tree,
you’d be there giving somebody a black eye or help him to fly.
If you dated Batman, he wouldn’t be such a gloomy soul.
For waiting for him back at the Batcave, you’d be with a warm meal and a foot massage.
Whenever things got too tough you’d be at his side scaling rooftops and doing good.
If you dated Superman, he’d never have lost his red tights in the wash.
If you dated Spider-Man, he wouldn’t need to crack wise in alley ways
in order to keep people at a distance.
And he certainly wouldn’t have sold you to the devil to save his aunt.
She’d have understood.
If you dated Captain America, he’d have a harder time choosing his country over you.
When they thawed him out he would have beaten up ten Nick Furies just to find your octogenarian face.
When he found you, you’d still be beautiful.
If you dated Popeye, he could be truly happy since you wouldn’t drop him at the sight of a large bicep.
Olive Oyl would also be happy, having gotten what she truly wanted: to be single.
Bluto would be sad because his large biceps would have no effect.
If you dated the Incredible Hulk, he would have no thought of SMASHING.
If you dated Wolverine, walls would go unscathed.
Cigars would go unchomped.
Bubs would go unbubbed.
If you dated Indiana Jones, you’d both go on adventures together.
Speilberg would’ve had to find his own damn wife.
And Shia LaBeouf would’ve never been born.
So many people except for Bluto would’ve been happier had you dated anybody else but me.
I almost feel selfish wanting to keep you all to myself.
Who do you want to date?
TheBookofBatman: I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. (Batman 14:18)
That’s right guys, I brought http://sameapartment.com back from the dead, just to protest this thing. That’s what I think about it. Go to the site, and it’ll link to where you can contact your congressman or woman. Takes five minutes guys, doo eet!
I’m telling you, the world isn’t supposed to end next year. It won’t end for billions of years, when the sun expands out toward mars and engulfs the planet in flames. We’ll be energy beings by then with no corporeal bodies, intertwined in the great space dance. I personally can’t wait.
There’s this 60-something year old guy who comes into my store and his name is Charlie Brown. When he first came in he even had that squashed baseball cap from the comics. Tonight clinched it for me though. He got a bunch of junk food and claimed they were for his dog. I think it was really him guys.
I wonder if Herman’s Head is on Netflix. Fuck you brain